husband, dad, son. american, korean. seoul, ann arbor, san francisco. dev, colleague, em. christian…ish

Month: May 2025

  • hiking

    Rancho San Antonio Park

    Starting late last year, a few of us dads began meeting for 2.5-hour hikes on Saturday mornings. Not weekly, but spaced just enough such that you felt like going again and it felt like a thing. It checks all the boxes; boosts your mental, social and physical health, it’s invigorating, time commitment doesn’t disrupt family routines, and it’s completely free. Even our snacks are from Costco.

    To be sure, it’s not just a random group as most of us are first-generation Korean immigrants and we got to know each other through shared responsibilities and common concerns. The moms connected first; it took significantly longer for the dads to gel. But once it gets going, age doesn’t matter, everyone is exceptionally respectful and happy to connect.

    The routine is familiar now. Wake up at 5:50 a.m., briefly contemplate skipping, but get ready anyway because either you’re driving or someone’s on the way to pick you up. Cancelling right then would obviously invite a lot of frowning. Triple-check layers, snacks, water, watch, headlamp if its still dark. By the time you’re standing out on the curb, half-awake but committed, there’s already a quiet satisfaction. Once in the car, conversation flows easily. Still yawning, but the early fog, both literal and mental, lifts quickly when you’re together and the sun is rising.

    The hikes themselves are peaceful and surprisingly rich. We walk, we talk. We share perspectives, memories of Seoul, and the small cultural mismatches that come with American life for those relatively new, among many other topics. Sometimes it turns into a casual venting sessions, which honestly, is part of the value as we laugh or commiserate together.

    There’s a spot we often reach around the midpoint. A cluster of trees with a small clearing in the middle, perfect for coffee and snacks from Costco. Someone placed logs around strategically for this very purpose. Instant coffee pouches and a thermos of hot water go a long way.

    Going on a tangent, it’s interesting Bay Area trails have any cheap food options near the trailhead, like they do across the pacific or in Europe. I still remember uncles back when I was a kid who’d skip the hike entirely, grabbing a seat at the outdoor tables and ordering drinks while the rest of us climbed. “Oh don’t worry about me, you folks go right ahead”. Even young me knew these folks had zero intention of hiking from the start and they looked quite happy too.

    Anyway, here you’re lucky if there’s a single picnic bench. Our American hiking culture is very… utilitarian. You’re there to hike hike. There isn’t room for a snack shack that’ll add back up all the calories you just burned.

    Still, we’ve made it work splendidly, and somehow the coffee we pour in that quiet grove tastes better than any café could offer. It’s a low-key group of good, warm-hearted, family oriented guys. No expectations, no pressure. Show up if you can, skip it if life gets in the way. Without planning it, we all seem to take turns disappearing for a few weeks and then returning. A 30% participation rate is a win, even one other person is a blessing. Perhaps the only hesitation is when its still quite dark and the trailhead has a sign that says beware of mountain lions(!).

    One recurring joke: when someone asks if it was hard to get permission from their wife to join, the usual response is something like “Hard? She practically shoved me out the door. “Please go outside and make some friends. Here’s your snacks.”

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  • in laws

    If I had to name two of the most amazing people I’ve ever met, excluding my family, it would be my father-in-law and mother-in-law. And if I had to name four, I’d probably include my brother-in-law and his wife. There are some other amazing folks but lets be honest they’ll never read this. In fact, if you’re reading this and you’re not related to me, thanks.

    From the very first time I met them, they’ve embodied grace and quiet strength. They don’t judge. They simply encourage, support, and bring peace into any room they enter. I still remember nervously practicing our wedding ceremony and my father-in-law gently saying, “Take good care [of her].”.(…is a simple yes the only acceptable answer to that) And during those chaotic early newborn months, my mother-in-law insisted on sleeping on the couch in our tiny one-bedroom apartment just to help however she could.

    Their lives haven’t been easy. My father-in-law served over 15 years in the Korean army before transitioning into civilian life. That discipline and resilience still shine through, though he does get disappointed if he reads news of some discipline issues. I imagine it’s like your team releasing a critical bug onto Production. Today, he manages multiple teams at an architecture firm, and I learn so much just from our conversations—how he sets priorities, when to stay hands-on, when to step back. My mother-in-law remains professionally active and is deeply loved by every family she works with. Their generosity, communication, and steadfastness in the face of adversity continue to humble me.

    I hope we’ve tried to show our appreciation over the years, visiting them or road tripping to places like Yosemite and Tahoe, but I know at their core, what they want most is for us to live with joy and peace… and for me to pull my weight when it comes to household chores. Without saying, I know we’re constantly in their prayers, which means a lot.

    …Writing all that reminds me I really ought to call them more often. Hopefully I’m not the only son-in-law who procrastinates on that.

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  • boxing

    If you’d told me at the start of 2024 that I’d take up boxing, it wouldn’t have even made the bingo card. I would have laughed at you as I never once in my life every contemplated that. I’d had enough of combat hobbies getting whacked by grown adults when my dad forced me to learn kendo as a kid.

    And yet here I am. To be precise, it’s VR boxing: headset on, gloves tracked, and opponents matched online. It actually feels stunningly close to the real thing, or what I assume is the real thing if I’d actually stepped in a ring before. The ducking, weaving, striking, all compressed into the tiny 4×3 meter space in my living room, delivers the kind of high-intensity cardio I’d never imagined I’d look forward to. I know, it still sounds a little ridiculous and more than a little weird.

    But here’s the reality. Sometimes I find myself wide awake after the rest of the family is asleep. The weight of future responsibilities, current deliverables, and the clouds of the past come all at once sometimes. So I put on the headset, spar a few rounds, and end up collapsed on the sofa, drenched in sweat and somewhat at peace.

    Does it help? Without a doubt. The headset isn’t cheap, but I convinced myself a single doctors visit costs more. And for someone who never quite gets a runners high, doesn’t have time for regular visits to outrageously expensive Bay Area gyms, and lives in a small condo with limited space, this is the closest thing to a godsend. It saves me monthly gym fees and I even find myself browsing the game’s subreddit more than I’d like to admit.

    Not surprisingly, the whole experience brings back memories of my middle school kendo classes. Did you know you actually can smell the sharp scent of burning bamboo when strikes land on your helm during sparring? Grown adults at the dojang showed zero mercy. At the time, I didn’t understand it, but now? Maybe they were just trying to shake off the stressors of their own lives, just like I’m doing now.

    Anyway, I’ll probably get a few more rounds in before winding down for the night and preparing for morning meetings. And to the developers who built this game: thank you. You created something incredible, and are improving the physical and mental health of many, many, people.

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  • streets

    my elementary school on the left

    There’s something surreal about walking through the streets you grew up on. No matter how many years have passed, if you close your eyes for just a second and let your mind drift, time folds in on itself. Suddenly, you’re back in the days when your biggest priority was chasing after friends. Often for not a particularly good reason, that also definitely wasn’t pre-approved by Mom.

    In 2023, I returned to Seoul for the first time in about 12 or 13 years. A number of very challenging family health issues had kept me from visiting, I had even stopped contact with all my childhood friends during those years. But the moment I stepped off the plane into that heavy, humid air, it felt like I’d never left. Whenever I had free time, I’d just walk—aimlessly—turning my head constantly to take in every side street, every restaurant, every pastry shop that caught my eye.

    Friends would recommend visiting that beautiful park or lake in the city, but we have tons of that in California. What I wanted was chaos. The busiest, craziest, tightest areas possible jam packed with impatient cars and frowning people in a hurry to get to places while frowning. And it was glorious glorious. The symphony of traffic, winds, sounds, walking, air, cicada sounds were identical to decades ago. Again, it was like I never left.

    At night it was even more vivd. The darkness shrouding the streets contrasting with the bright lights inviting you in, car taillights moving away along with the lively pedestrians coming and going… yep exactly the same. It was like some comfort blanket where I felt like I could walk on forever. Probably the streets being safe at night helps too, but thats another, can of worms type topic.

    I do however, confess the fact that I’m on vacation(well, I still check Slack and Outlook out of habit) contributes to this, and if I stay longer I’ll probably notice the stuff I’m glad I left behind. But til then its an interesting and refreshing, though a bit melancholy experience I get to go through whenever I visit.

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