husband, dad, son. american, korean. seoul, ann arbor, san francisco. dev, colleague, em. christian…ish

Category: family

  • #1

    I wonder how many have seen their loved ones do something quite so amazing you’re in awe. Have you? Have many? Is it just me?

    So my wife Kacie is studying hard lately. Really, really hard. I honestly didn’t even know one could study that hard, and I’ve seen many of those types growing up, including my dad. Our house has a few tables, and she simply moves from one to another depending on vacancy. I’ve long since put permanent laptop chargers at every location she studies at.

    Often she studies for ten hours straight, weekdays and weekends have no difference. He classes included organic chemistry and statistics, which I hated with my whole heart. Three community college classes. All while raising kids. No breaks, no scrolling, just pure focus. Sorcerers in Marvel Movies can only dream of concentrating that hard. As a sidenote, when I was young I always admired (and had crushes on) girls who were awesome students, and so, uh, jackpot?

    I told her the other day, “If you had studied like this in high school, I wouldn’t have been able to marry you.”. I meant it, my high school was one of those intense Korean preps in the infamous Gangnam area where everyone basically fought for survival. And she would’ve been playing at the top with all the other superhuman kids. Without glancing up she goes “Damnit”! Like I said, marriage has really sharpened her sense of humor. Or to be more exact, marriage to me. It’s been lethal for a long time now. And extremely cutting. I love it.

    I really wonder where she would be at if she hadn’t studied music composition. Classic music composition to be exact. And then get a masters in abstract music. Not exactly the most marketable degree, yes. I often say hey if only you went into kpop music composition, which invites withering stares as I shy away.

    And now here she is, living half her nights in organic chem problem sets. All because she wants to leave something behind for our kids. I honestly don’t know how to end this entry. Other than wow.

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  • father’s day

    Well, if you haven’t noticed, another Father’s Day has come and gone. Hope our dads got a call or a text. If you actually sent a present—wow, thanks for being better than most of us.

    I don’t really remember past Father’s Days. Not in any memorable way, at least. Maybe there was dinner or a card from school, but nothing that stuck. And truthfully, I didn’t mind and was thankful for anything I got.

    Lately, though, something’s shifted. I find myself wanting… something. I’m not even sure what. I mentioned this to Kacie, exaggerating dramatically, and she just stared at me ‘… He’s doing one of his monologues again…’ She didn’t say anything, but did cook an extra strip of meat that night which made me perfectly happy.

    Anyway, maybe you know the feeling. That quiet desire that all this effort—the quiet worrying, the logistics, the loving, the trying, shouldn’t just pass completely unnoticed. Most days I don’t know if I’m doing enough. But I’m sharply aware of the ways I could be doing better. It’s a strange class. No one gives you a grade, but you always feel like know you’re one assignment behind.

    Some of us relatively older dads, the ones who’ve weathered the peaks and valleys, health scares, ongoing ER visits, even tragic loss, move differently. Quieter. Slower. Gentler. Watching the newer dads sprinting through the thick of it, in varying degrees of emotion. We don’t say much, but we choose our words carefully, because not much needs to be said. We all understand what’s going on. We remember that situation, that tempo. It’s a long run. Just take care of yourself too. Especially today.

    So yes. It’s a special day. And just like we understand Mother’s Day is more special each year, we acknowledge it’s the same for Fathers Day.

    Maybe not loudly. But more real, more understanding, a few more nods to each other. A moment to gather around, like at a late-night café, quietly talking and laughing. Or maybe you just lean back, sip a glass of wine or a cold one, and close your eyes, half listening. The “Happy Father’s Day” messages feel a little more heartfelt each year. As if, if not for me, for everyone who’s tried so hard this past year. The ones who don’t respond, well, we get it. Take your time.

    So if you’re a dad: heartfelt congrats, and cheers to all your incredible work. You’re doing awesome.

    As for me, I still got to stop by my favorite place today, and had a great hike the day before. So all in all, not bad.

    And that reminds me, this whole post is completely about myself. If my dad reads this, he’d be like thats all fine and good son, so where my recognition? I need to call him. Happy Father’s Day to the best dad in the world.

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  • in laws

    If I had to name two of the most amazing people I’ve ever met, excluding my family, it would be my father-in-law and mother-in-law. And if I had to name four, I’d probably include my brother-in-law and his wife. There are some other amazing folks but lets be honest they’ll never read this. In fact, if you’re reading this and you’re not related to me, thanks.

    From the very first time I met them, they’ve embodied grace and quiet strength. They don’t judge. They simply encourage, support, and bring peace into any room they enter. I still remember nervously practicing our wedding ceremony and my father-in-law gently saying, “Take good care [of her].”.(…is a simple yes the only acceptable answer to that) And during those chaotic early newborn months, my mother-in-law insisted on sleeping on the couch in our tiny one-bedroom apartment just to help however she could.

    Their lives haven’t been easy. My father-in-law served over 15 years in the Korean army before transitioning into civilian life. That discipline and resilience still shine through, though he does get disappointed if he reads news of some discipline issues. I imagine it’s like your team releasing a critical bug onto Production. Today, he manages multiple teams at an architecture firm, and I learn so much just from our conversations—how he sets priorities, when to stay hands-on, when to step back. My mother-in-law remains professionally active and is deeply loved by every family she works with. Their generosity, communication, and steadfastness in the face of adversity continue to humble me.

    I hope we’ve tried to show our appreciation over the years, visiting them or road tripping to places like Yosemite and Tahoe, but I know at their core, what they want most is for us to live with joy and peace… and for me to pull my weight when it comes to household chores. Without saying, I know we’re constantly in their prayers, which means a lot.

    …Writing all that reminds me I really ought to call them more often. Hopefully I’m not the only son-in-law who procrastinates on that.

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