husband, dad, son. american, korean. seoul, ann arbor, san francisco. dev, colleague, em. christian…ish

  • boxing

    If you’d told me at the start of 2024 that I’d take up boxing, it wouldn’t have even made the bingo card. I would have laughed at you as I never once in my life every contemplated that. I’d had enough of combat hobbies getting whacked by grown adults when my dad forced me to learn kendo as a kid.

    And yet here I am. To be precise, it’s VR boxing: headset on, gloves tracked, and opponents matched online. It actually feels stunningly close to the real thing, or what I assume is the real thing if I’d actually stepped in a ring before. The ducking, weaving, striking, all compressed into the tiny 4×3 meter space in my living room, delivers the kind of high-intensity cardio I’d never imagined I’d look forward to. I know, it still sounds a little ridiculous and more than a little weird.

    But here’s the reality. Sometimes I find myself wide awake after the rest of the family is asleep. The weight of future responsibilities, current deliverables, and the clouds of the past come all at once sometimes. So I put on the headset, spar a few rounds, and end up collapsed on the sofa, drenched in sweat and somewhat at peace.

    Does it help? Without a doubt. The headset isn’t cheap, but I convinced myself a single doctors visit costs more. And for someone who never quite gets a runners high, doesn’t have time for regular visits to outrageously expensive Bay Area gyms, and lives in a small condo with limited space, this is the closest thing to a godsend. It saves me monthly gym fees and I even find myself browsing the game’s subreddit more than I’d like to admit.

    Not surprisingly, the whole experience brings back memories of my middle school kendo classes. Did you know you actually can smell the sharp scent of burning bamboo when strikes land on your helm during sparring? Grown adults at the dojang showed zero mercy. At the time, I didn’t understand it, but now? Maybe they were just trying to shake off the stressors of their own lives, just like I’m doing now.

    Anyway, I’ll probably get a few more rounds in before winding down for the night and preparing for morning meetings. And to the developers who built this game: thank you. You created something incredible, and are improving the physical and mental health of many, many, people.

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  • streets

    my elementary school on the left

    There’s something surreal about walking through the streets you grew up on. No matter how many years have passed, if you close your eyes for just a second and let your mind drift, time folds in on itself. Suddenly, you’re back in the days when your biggest priority was chasing after friends. Often for not a particularly good reason, that also definitely wasn’t pre-approved by Mom.

    In 2023, I returned to Seoul for the first time in about 12 or 13 years. A number of very challenging family health issues had kept me from visiting, I had even stopped contact with all my childhood friends during those years. But the moment I stepped off the plane into that heavy, humid air, it felt like I’d never left. Whenever I had free time, I’d just walk—aimlessly—turning my head constantly to take in every side street, every restaurant, every pastry shop that caught my eye.

    Friends would recommend visiting that beautiful park or lake in the city, but we have tons of that in California. What I wanted was chaos. The busiest, craziest, tightest areas possible jam packed with impatient cars and frowning people in a hurry to get to places while frowning. And it was glorious glorious. The symphony of traffic, winds, sounds, walking, air, cicada sounds were identical to decades ago. Again, it was like I never left.

    At night it was even more vivd. The darkness shrouding the streets contrasting with the bright lights inviting you in, car taillights moving away along with the lively pedestrians coming and going… yep exactly the same. It was like some comfort blanket where I felt like I could walk on forever. Probably the streets being safe at night helps too, but thats another, can of worms type topic.

    I do however, confess the fact that I’m on vacation(well, I still check Slack and Outlook out of habit) contributes to this, and if I stay longer I’ll probably notice the stuff I’m glad I left behind. But til then its an interesting and refreshing, though a bit melancholy experience I get to go through whenever I visit.

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  • cost

    Sometimes after meetings or syncs I go down to get lunch with colleagues. Often times folks I don’t know very well, given our need to interact with a large variety of engineering teams. And that leads to, well, a lot of small talk. Between professionals the topics are your typical where do you live, weather, vacation plans etc.

    But there’s one topic that tends to draw out more genuine conversation: relocating to the Bay Area for work. It comes up often because almost everyone at the table, whether immigrant or American, moved here from somewhere else. America alone is a huge country.

    Then the tones shifts and we’re usually thinking the same thing, reminiscing about the lives, friends, and relatives we left behind, especially our parents. All agree it’s only years and years after that you notice the high price you paid. We sort of laugh and say how envious of our friends back where we grew up, how they stay connected and are still close to their families(though curiously they largely seem to meet up among themselves only when we visit).

    Thus, pretty much everyone here is rebuilding their friends and support groups. Or as often is the case, we aren’t. And it’s so easy to let time slip by while not making that investment, not knowing it gets ever so harder to build new relationships and become isolated.

    But the silver lining is that it’s actually not that hard to develop relatively deep friendships. It just requires consistent meeting for whatever reason, for around 18 months. You don’t have to do anything fancy or expensive at all, each others presence is good enough. Obviously even faster if the group has common interests or has the characteristics of a support group no matter how big or mundane.

    In the end, talking about this does help at work. We get to connect with our colleagues a bit better, which is critical when inevitable tricky situations at work arise.

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  • feedback

    “Albert, I feel like you’re in the weeds too often”

    I still remember when my boss said that to me about a decade ago. We were sitting in a patio outside the office, it was one of those typical bay area bright sunny days, and he wasn’t exactly facing me, sort of looking off into the distance.

    This was before when I realized requesting feedback, and making giving feedback as easy as possible, was key to your career. And I richly deserved this particular feedback. I’d spent the past month heads down, debugging our many machine learning data pipelines, trying to figure out why moving our terabytes of training data was so slow. It’s doubly infuriating when you know the sheer cost of these machines plus the storage costs PLUS the uncertainty if finally this time we’ll produce a Production grade model.

    It wasn’t for a lack of trying. Multiple, multiple nights spent watching flows, rewriting queries, trying to look at object size, choosing different data formats, different processing frameworks. But a key miss was that I wasn’t providing my manager with proper estimates, timelines, and options, however ballpark they were. I wasn’t giving him the data needed to make decisions how much resources to invest.

    Whenever I look back, I feel a pang of guilt for not doing my job as a senior engineer, and treasure that moment because it was sort of the turning point in my career. Estimating, progress reporting, giving your manager right sized details so they can decide on the next steps, etc. I’ve been trying to make that a cornerstone of what I do.

    But these days I realize something yet again new. Summarizing is good, but at the same time you HAVE to know the details as well. Else what exactly are you summarizing?

    Everything in life is a circle isn’t it.

    One day I have to track that manager and buy him a coffee. Or two.

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  • late night meetings

    As I await a late night sync with a different time zone, I sometimes think how lucky I am

    We work very closely with our offshore colleagues. Whether its trouble shooting, debugging, planning, setting directions, or perhaps equally important, just syncing to connect on a personal level to talk about none work issues. Doesn’t matter whether they are fellow employees, contractors or 3rd party partners, each and every person is invaluable.

    Much of the time they participate in US time zone meetings, where HQ is. Often multiple nights a week. I guess myself always scheduling my own meetings with them in their time zones, which many of same time zone colleagues also do, is a bit of a respect thing, to share the load as we all have families, and time to relax in evenings is important. After all no matter our differences in opinions, scarce resources, and tight timelines, we all know we’re working to beat the competition.

    So far it seems to be working pretty great, feel like I have a great working relationship. And am thankful my team and others in our TZ seem to have no issues with late night meetings when needed. Just need to make sure it’s not so often burnout becomes real.

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  • san francisco

    You ever walk around a neighborhood hill, woods, or park, notice a small barely visible side trail, and wander off into it… only to come to a ‘secret spot’ which makes you unreasonably happy? Well we found one as pictured above living in SF. It wasn’t exactly a secret as many a neighborhood person would be there, but still it made me feel special.

    I loved the city, from it’s shortcomings to its sheer grand beauty. The people, the neighborhoods, the pretty streets which was basically every one, the micro climates, the mini downtowns each neighborhood had. Even the fogs and the summers Mark Twain coined “The coldest winter I ever experienced was a summer in San Francisco”. My dad laughed loudly when I told him that as he was shivering in our backyard.

    And of course the ocean.

    Just walking along Ocean Beach with the shimmering sparkling water meeting sky shades of brilliant yellow, sheer blue and white fluffy clouds gradienting into purple, pink and red streaks across the heavens made any stressors you may have go away for a short while. And it wasn’t just me, it was everyone walking around with a look of wonder and content as they enjoyed the experience.

    Though we had to move down to the peninsula during the pandemic due to reorgs and the very difficult SF school support situation, I’d lived in the city for 10+ years already. Before that I was living in Redwood City, where I’d move to after graduation, and then moved to SF after my marriage, since work was still commutable from there and me and Kacies church was nearby in the Richmond district. 10 years of living in what I truly believe is the most beautiful city in the world.

    So it was a very hard decision to move down, I still remember the drive down and feeling emotional, just like I remember getting on the plane to come back to the US and eventually Ann Arbor. But it undoubtedly was the best decision we could have made for every member of our family. We feel cozy here, despite living in a tiny condo, kids getting better support, and made many friends of folks in similar situations, and well, are content.

    Still, sometimes I look back at the city, which now seems to be thriving again and feel a bit nostalgic. Although to be sure when I drive back up on occasion it feels like I’m visiting someone else’s city, and thats a good thing. Seeing all the people up and about on the streets is always great.

    Major change is difficult, it’s painful, but often times it turns out to be for the better. Much better. Just one of those lessons that help you mature and handle things personally as well as professionally.

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  • audition shows

    I used to watch these kpop audition shows some years ago. The format was similar: take extremely passionate young folks who want to make it as singers, have them perform, vote, and the winners move on.

    To this day I’m at awe how these young folks handle the pressure, the emotions, the up and downs and cutthroat competition where advancing may change the trajectory of their entire careers. And the show dials up competition to the max, competing against other teams, your own teammates, everyone.

    I still sometimes listen to the music they produced during these times, and as how the vast majority did not get to experience success, there is a bit of guilt there. Because the cuts, the folks that don’t get to go on to the next level is absolutely brutal. Having been laid off before, I don’t know if the feeling is similar, but during those times I couldn’t even watch the show.

    At work I’ve also definitely been through extremely competitive environments. But for the most part at the end of the day you’re still collaborating to move your company forward. You found ways to deal with your differences and work together. To not take things too personal, to be well aware of processes and communicate at a high level. To manage expectations of everyone around you. While it can get bad, tears can flow, it’s not quite like the audition shows.

    As I listen yet again to one of my favorite performances to come out of one of these audition shows, I can’t help but hope the participants are enjoying success somewhere some way.

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  • projector

    Well I’m glad someone’s enjoying it

    So I bought a super cheap projector on Amazon, one of those with a brand name you’ve never heard of, but with somewhat reassuring reviews. If you just focus on the positive ones. I wasn’t expecting much and in fact I wasn’t even sure it would last the month. But the Warriors were in the playoffs, the game was on Friday night, and a few of us dads needed an excuse to hang out.

    Of course, I’d never set one up before, connected it to the internet, or even knew if Warriors games were available online but hey only one way to find out: Invite a few friends over so you’re time boxed and pressured into making it happen. It took one of the dads 45 minutes to set things up and balance the projector image. I’m still not sure how to do it correctly to be honest. But my goodness the image was more than good enough, I somehow found an actually legitimate and legal stream, and the tiny bluetooth speakers were perfectly fine. Victory.

    Sadly the game didn’t go our way, what the heck Curry, but we were too busy munching on snacks, eating the fried chicken and free corporate launch party food somebody stole brought, enjoying some ice cold ones, and just catching up. One of the guys’ wives packed custom snacks (the good kind, not the gas station kind). And well, losing means you actually have a lot of time to talk.

    It was perfect. Everyone helped clean up afterward like it was some sacred ritual—fold the chairs, pack up the chips, take out the garbage. Like I sad, a great group of dads.

    So then I brought the projector home, not exactly sure what to do with it. Kacie had been against buying it, giving me that classic “absolutely not” look, the one she reserves for impulse purchases and general views in my direction.

    But I hatched a plan. Just pointed it at the ceiling in our bedroom, and turned on ‘Descendents of the Sun. She walked in frowning, took a look at the ceiling, then lay down, and just sighed. “Ahhhh.” We watched a couple of dramas like that, horizontal and happy. It felt very luxurious in a way such a cheap purchase shouldn’t make us feel.

    And then… my daughter found it.

    Now my room is no longer my room. It’s her personal YouTube Shorts theater. She’s a one-kid projector hog, lying flat on the bed, wrapped up like a burrito in her blanket, scrolling through thirty-second videos like they’re oxygen. I walk in and she doesn’t even blink. In fact I think her look towards me is a tad unwelcoming.

    Um… daughter?

    Can I have my room back?

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  • reading

    After growing up in Minnesota and Edmonton until I was 8, my parents decided to move back to Korea. I vividly remember being devastated by the news and charging up the stairs to my room. I loved my school in Edmonton, had a lot of friends etc despite the extreme cold and mosquito filled summers. Kids don’t really notice that stuff, do they.

    My parents though, were probably homesick and lonely, as there was only one other Korean family nearby, and worse my moms English wasn’t good to the point we struggled to communicate with each other. It was a no brainer decision for them obviously and I’m happy that opportunity arose.

    So we moved back and I sort of had to learn Korean, as it was… not good. Still once you’re immersed in that environment as a kid, its simply a matter of time until you get used to it and become fluent. I even adjusted more or less to living at my stern grandparents place. The Korean education system on the other hand however, as I got to know very soon… holy lord almighty wow. I’m pretty sure one spank with the rod for every one question you got wrong on an exam is… not it. 67 questions I got wrong on my first exam, gee I wonder how I remember that exact number.

    Anyway, after some point, my mom realized that I might forget all my English skills, as she had seen happen to other kids that had moved back at a young age. So she then commenced regular book buy sprees despite my dads very modest salary. We’d bus to these places that sold english books and bought them by the multiple bag load. Tons of Choose Your own Adventure books, The Hardy Boys, even all the Tintin comic books series among a lot of other, not exactly Pulitzer Prize worthy, stuff.

    So until 11 years later when I returned to attend Michigan, I was a voracious reader, without even speaking a single word basically during those years. I remember on the flight out wondering it I could still speak it, after only reading. And well, turned out you could!

    I’m double more thankful at work these days, because words to matter. The exact one, the tone, what you’re trying to convey, in what order. And of course, trying to be as concise and easy to understand as possible, because at the end of the day, what exactly is this persons ask is what everyone is wondering. After becoming an em, I asked my dad for advice, and this gruff, old school guy told me be extremely careful with your words.

    So obviously, thanks mom and dad for all the books, even though none of them were exactly Shakespeare or Hemingway!

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  • rotating sushi

    My kids’ favorite restaurant—hands down—is a local chain rotating sushi place. They love it. A few taps on a screen, no need to talk to anyone, and like magic, food shows up at the table. We actually don’t go too often as its not particularly cheap, but sometimes special occasions do arise and we give in.

    They order the exact same thing: udon noodles. Every single time. And vanilla ice cream for dessert. Despite our many attempts—asking, encouraging, even flat-out pleading—I’ve yet to see either of them eat a single piece of sushi(To be sure, I hated it as a 14yo too… until I realized how expensive it was and it suddenly, magically started tasting much better)

    That said, it’s honestly not a bad choice for me and Kacie as we’ve always enjoyed Japanese food. I pick a few rolls here and there, and she loves uni. The entire family doesn’t eat too much curiously, so the bill is actually manageable enough.

    And apparently, we’re not the only ones that like this place. It’s is always packed; by 5 p.m. on a Friday, the waitlist is already 30+ minutes. Yes, we have the restaurant’s app. Yes, we collect rewards points. And yes, I more or less know the wait times by heart depending on the day and time. So at least we get seated in less than 5 minutes by planning ahead.

    As for quality? I was never a Michelin-star kind of guy anyway, so I always leave happy. So do my daughters—mainly because they’re obsessed with dropping empty plates into the counting slot, which tallies your dishes and adds to the bill. Enough and this plastic egg drops with something inside.

    It makes me wonder—what is it about places like this that appeals to adults, too? Maybe it’s the freedom of choice, the low stakes of trying something new (if you don’t like it, it was only a few bucks), or the sense of control when everything’s literally at your fingertips.

    Going on a wide tangent, maybe that’s why we gravitate toward dashboards at work too—the desire and requirement to know what’s happening at any given moment, to feel like we’re in control. Just with fewer sushi plates and more charts though yes I’ve seen many a dashboard be silently retired.

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